I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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