This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
i've created a new STD.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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