I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
