Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She even gives head with a lisp.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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