Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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