Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
