High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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