never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
