How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
