And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
