Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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