i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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