Your face is a jimmy john
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
