Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you traded sex for a burrito?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
