and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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