I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
