Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
