ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
