And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
