I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
