Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
