it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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