I'm lost and stupid without you.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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