I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
