he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Rumble strips road head = magical
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
