Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
