just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
