BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
