I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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