I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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