She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
