I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
