With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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