I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
