mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
