when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
