Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
this beer tastes like vomit already
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
