If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We're too hungover to prance.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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