If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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