I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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