And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
