hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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