I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Randomize
