just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
