It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
she told me i tasted like america
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
