if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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