Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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