Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
There's always time for handjobs
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
