I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
