Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
